Can’t Walk, So Run? Spring 2020 Corona Graduate.

My days are spent rolling out of bed five minutes before I am required to clock in on my work computer. Working from 10am to 4pm, I clock out exhausted. I’m determined to be productive and not take advantage of the fact that my comfy couch is only a foot away. Who would have known that sitting in one spot, taking periodic trips from my dining table to the galley kitchen a step away would be so tiresome? When I’m sitting in my chair it feels like punishment, feels like I’m in time-out. That sunken place you go where you feel powerless, when you feel like you deserve to be isolated for your bad behavior but not exactly sure on how to do better. It’s a weird time. Anxiety ridden thoughts, as if my anxiety wasn’t bad enough. My company is laying people of. I have been let go, released, furloughed.

I don’t feel any particular way. I do like and need money, so that’s a cause for concern; however, God always provides! When one door closes another door opens, I’m actually excited because that means I will eventually, whenever that is, Start a new journey.

I feel like your experience on this earth is 100% determined by your outlook on life. What’s your mental dialogue like?

My first initial response to hearing I and many others weren’t going to be able to walk across the stage, was despair. I was distraught, fed up, disappointed, angary. These feelings lasted about a day and half.

I refuse to stay low on the mood elevator. I mentally talked myself out of those negative feelings.

Don’t confuse negative with wrong. It was valid for me to have those feelings, but it was not acceptable for me to live in those feelings. I choose to live a grateful, happy, and prosperous life.

As I graduate today, I will continue to move forward graciously, not to dwelling on the turmoil that will arise because I know God is always by my side. I may not have been able to walk but I sure am going to run toward my future.